just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
