Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
