Fine. I'll sleep in my office
one might say we're banned from that church
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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