dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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