Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
