I look better un-naked...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
