You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
