I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
