dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I die, sorry about rent.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
