i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
