Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
