I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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