I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
high people should be assigned attendants
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
