cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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