I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I could make wine with my vomit
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
