I heard we made out
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
