I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you win again, gameday.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
