overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
