i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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