I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
