I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
