You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
