You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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