oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
