that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
