This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
