Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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