I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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