All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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