Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
