You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
