We won't sleep together?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
