Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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