Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
