Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
its not stalking. its research.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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