hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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