Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
