I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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