quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
