yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My liver just had a heart attack.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
