I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
