he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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