mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
