When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
