Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
