hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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