its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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