At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
