I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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