he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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