your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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