well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
