i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
