Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
